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On Tuesday 21st May 2019 I finally took my power back and started to look inwards to heal. For the last few weeks I have been deeply affected by the shake up the universe was creating and had been battling a 'cold' with rampant strep and exhaustion... right when life was providing opportunities left right and centre that I wanted to take part in... but I had to rest and missed some awesome events. But finally I have gone through the darkness of that tunnel of transition and once again come back into the light.
... It helped that the Blue Moon has passed and we are moving into a softer energy. I realise though that I have to experience the low moments to assimilate and grow and appreciate the difference.
The latest low moments:
- stepped up my game to finally seek support in my business
- re-aligned me with my purpose and connected me deeper to God
- taught me to say no and not over-commit myself, to set boundaries and delegate
- made me re-prioritise, regroup and search within for answers to heal
On Tuesday 21st May, I dowsed my supplements (the main things that keep my body alive at the moment) and started to feel a little bit better and my sleep improved. On Wednesday 22nd May I started reading The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein and the first page resonated with me and shook my soul into action. Creating the realisation that I was self-sabotaging my wellness by eating the 'wrong' food, not exercising and not practicing consistent daily self-care... I was looking outward for healing, rather than using my tools and looking inwards for guidance.
So, I turned to my pendulum and cleared a bunch of trapped emotions from age 0-5 then cleared some more recent ones that were preventing me from being well today then meditated for the first time ever for 6 minutes and finally got the full realisation of my wellness resistence...
It sounds weird to think that I wouldn't want to be well... but it started to make sense finally... I am/have been unconsciously sabotaging my wellness by not taking care of my body because if I am truly well... then I need to truly commit to life and open myself up to 'failing' and being scared or hurt. I keep trying to remember all the good times from my past when I think back, but I was missing the fact that I wasn't fully processing the bad times and how they affected me...
The resistence was coming from my past when I did try to fully live and each time I stepped out into the world I was hurt, unwell, bullied, abused or fearful... Every time I tried to step into myself fully I was shut down by things, events and people I could not control. Back then when life wasn't going great I would just up and leave. I would move cities, towns or islands and change jobs and friends and cars... clearly not processing it!
Thanks to my years of spiritual and personal development, I realise now that life is just a series of experiences and lessons, but at the time when I was going through all of that rough stuff, it was everything to me and I just bottled it up and buried it inside and was still holding onto trapped emotions from this time in my life that were preventing me from moving forwards fully.
With each realisation and new awareness I can peel back the next layer of my being and heal it. With today's realisation I was able to then clear more trapped emotions from my late teens to early twenties that had been holding me back: fear, overwhelm, love unreceived, pride, blaming and conflict.
The Universe shook it all up and out of me and I've leveled up! Thank you God!
I am ready to be fully well and live my life completely. The lessons and experiences replace the perceptions of 'good' and 'bad' and love replaces fear. I let go of that which no longer serves me, I fill the wounds with love, send love to my younger self and move further into the light.
Amen!
Amanda Sears
The Wellness Guide